Mind-Blowing Facts to Leave Friends in Awe!

You know, a lot of people love to strut around, puking out “facts” in people’s ear holes, striking a smug pose of intellectual superiority. It sickens me. I am sickened. Everybody knows that one person who will grind a friendly group discussion to a halt by correcting somebody who possibly said something incorrect.

“Actually Cletus, Rome was built on six hills, not seven. But don’t worry, it’s a common mistake. I wouldn’t expect you to have known.*”

To that end, I’ve decided to compile a list of obscure, but incredibly true, facts for you to dish out at a moment’s notice. You’re welcome in advance my sweet nincompoops.

·        The rain in Spain actually falls mainly in the Canary Islands. They have an annual rainfall of 14 inches.

·        In order to compete with Coca-Cola, the original recipe for Schweppes Ginger Ale included trace amounts of kerosene.  It was believed that in small doses, it would give people a little extra pep.

·        The remote Slestak tribe in the deep recesses of the Amazonian rain forests boil a certain species of slug and them rub them on their genitals as an aphrodisiac.

·        The owner of Chik-Fila used to be gay, until his Mormon parents forcibly took him to a camp that “straightens” people out. To this day he prays seven times a day to keep desires in check.

·        Each dollar bill in circulation has a thin coating of arsenic on it. The arsenic was not placed there by the National Treasury, and no matter how many resources they throw at this problem, the culprit is still unknown and remains at large. 

·        The actual rotation of the earth changes by one eighth of one eighth of a degree every year. Meaning that a seven thousand years ago Antarctica was where Australia is currently.

·        The lyrics to I Am the Walrus, by the Beatles, are Goo Goo Ga Joob. Not Coo Coo Ca Choo.

·        Rocky and Bullwinkle were based off of two fascist German spies in World War I. Johan and Elsa Blout were a married couple who were sent into Russia to infiltrate and flip as many assets as they could. Boris and Natasha represent their Russian counterparts assigned to hunt them down and dispose of them in any manner possible.

·        The first hamburger, or “hamburger sandwich” was created in the NYC Bowery in 1837. Due to a beef shortage at the time, it was made with ground pigeon meat.

·        While they didn’t make mainstream popularity until the early 20^th century, the Greek military had been using proto-televisions since 1895. They consisted of a glass screen, and glass phosphorous tubes holding both positively and negatively charged plutonium ions. They only worked for ten minutes before they melted.

·        Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the forbidden fruit was an apple.

·        Also, nowhere in the poem does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg.

·        Alister Crowley once wrote an opera. It was performed only once, in Devonshire-Upon-Shiredevon in North Umbria, Britain. Seventeen audience members became violently ill, the Diva broke her leg during her aria (which is where we get the saying “break a leg” for good luck) and many members of the chorus claimed to feel an icy breeze on their necks and the faint sound of laughter coming from beneath them. A week later the stage burned to the ground, taking the groundskeeper with it. The opera manuscript was locked up, never to be performed again. To this day, its location remains a mystery.

·        Alligators have a vertical leap of nine inches which they typically use when hunting marsh birds, such as egrets and ostriches.

·        Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs was based on two actual psychopaths. The notorious Ed Gein, who lived next to a cemetery and would dig up bodies to make lampshades and rugs out of people’s skin, and porn star John Holmes, who was known to put on lipstick and tuck his genitals between his legs while dancing.

·        Woodrow Wilson was the first American president to come out of the closet. However, since the country was not ready to accept that at the time, he was quietly assassinated, his murder covered up, and all mentions of his sexuality were scrubbed from history books.

·        Johnny Appleseed used to put razor blades in every fifth apple he gave to kids. He loved a good joke.

So there you have it! Next time somebody tries to one-up you on some shit, bust out some of this knowledge and watch them go running, crying, out of the room, knowing that have been bested by you and your big old sexy brain. Good luck!

*And if you don’t know somebody like this, that means you are that somebody. Seek medical help. I recommend Nurse Ratched. She can do wonders.