Deliciosity

Howdy, my name is Chester, of Chester’s Sloppy Seconds, and I’m proud to announce that our restaurant has just received its first Michelin Star from the Michelin Guide to Toad Scrotum, Montana. What is a Michelin Star, you may be wonderin? Good question! I plum didn’t know myself until I went down to the ”library” (not quite sure what that is either, to be honest) and used one of them com-pu-tors to look it up.

It turns out that the Michelin Guide is some world-renowned French thingy where they offer maps and locations of gas stations and boulangeries and they rate area hotels and restaurants. Looks like we made the big time!

Our current rating of one star means “A very good restaurant in its category.” I’m not entirely sure what that means, but if our category is “freshest meat from the side of the road to your plate” you’re damn straight we’re the best!

So, in honor of our new award, we here at Chester’s Sloppy Seconds, are having a celebration and passing the flavorosity on to you, the patrons!

Yummy!

Come on in to the restaurant. Don’t be shy now, I know Bubba looks like he’ll bite your leg off, but he’s just a big old puppy dog. We only keep him tied out front so that he won’t get at the yard birds in the back. Hell, one week, Bubba got into them chickens and we had to serve frog legs as chicken wings, and nobody was the wiser. Come to think of it, maybe that’s the week that Michelin “inspector” moseyed on through and eatin them frog legs reminded him of back home in Frenchy-Land. Wouldn’t that beat all!

Anyway, as I was sayin, come on through, avoid Bubba and those rusted out cars and refrigerators on the lawn, those rusty edges won’t do you no good. And get yourself set so’s you can enjoy any one of our appetizers, half off! (for a limited time) We have:

Deep Fried Rocky Mountain Oysters (on the half-shell)
Sautéed “Queue de Souris” on a bed of baby rice
Chicken Wings *wink* with celery and pencil shavings
Hamburger Sliders, now with beef

Or you can have our “Soup Du Jour,” or a salad. We like to keep our salads as fresh as possible, so depending on the season and the last time Cletus mowed the lawn, you can enjoy some delicious greens.

Besides our half off apps, we are also offering, for a short time, a special deal. You bring in your own road kill and we’ll cook it up for you on the cheap! There’s no better deal than that! Oh wait, there is! Bring in any game you bag that day and we will prepare it to your liking. Please remember to remove all buckshot first, it makes chewing easier.

What about dessert? I’ll tell you what about desert! Homemade ice cream using the rock salt that is used to salt the roads in the winter, so you know its quality cream! Flavors include, but are not limited to: Vanilla, Chocolate, Possum, Orangina, Toes, Bud Light, Real Chocolate, Rubber, Appleberrry, Long johns, Lettuce and Chode, (my favorite!).

Well, that’s all the time I gots in this here commercial, but be sure to stop on by Chester’s Sloppy Seconds for a full look at our menu. We gots all types of seafood, or at least water-based animals, and our entrees can’t be beat. Why, lets just ask this fellow over here!

“Say stranger, how’re them eats treatin you today?”
“Well Chester…”
“You don’t know me, remember? Follow the script.”
“But the restaurant is named after you, plus we go fishing every Sund…”

Yep that’s right folks, the food is so good, it done made this fella delusional. And who doesn’t want that in a good meal?!

So hitch a ride, drive a tractor or ride moose, bring the wife and kids. Hell, bring the sister/wife, we don’t judge down here. My sister is also my mom, so you’re in good company. Come and enjoy the full dining experience of haute cuisine at Chester’s Sloppy Seconds today!

*Take I-666 for seven miles past Old Doc Brooks’ feed bag, until you see a dirt road exit on your right. Be sure to be driving some sort of four-wheeler, those puddles on the track can get up to three feet deep in the summer. And don’t even get me started on the mud. Anyway, stay on that for a couple of miles, try to avoid the indigenous, radioactive, cannibal rednecks and you’ll be at the restaurant in no time!*