I recently had the opportunity to be employed at a location
(Dr. Brooks’ Dry Erase Board Emporium), where I had the pleasure of watching
people in their natural habitat: the parking lot.
Allow me to elucidate. You see, any given parking lot, from
a Walmart to Deacon’s Squirt Barn, has an underlying sameness to it. A certain
cultural oneness. Spend a day observing people trying to park and you will achieve
a level of Zen that only Siddhartha can relate to. You can create your own
religion by watching people in a parking lot, (or car park, if you’re Australian.)
Studying individuals in a parking lot gives you an excellent
microcosm view of the macrocosm that is humanity. It’s amazing to see what
people will do when they think nobody is watching. Don’t believe me? Watch how
many people throw away their recyclables when the recycle can is right there.
Or how many people don’t wash their hands in the bathroom, (hell, for that one,
people just don’t care if others are watching or not.)
My first example is actually something a lot of people do,
so maybe I’m in the wrong. But nobody has been able to properly explain it to
me: people who back into parking spaces. What is the purpose?
I’ve been told
that it’s a time-saver, but any time saved at the end is just added to the beginning.
I’ve also been told that it helps people who need to see around larger cars
parked next to them. But again, I don’t see how it helps. You wouldn’t blindly
rush out into the parking lot regardless of how you park. I dunno. On a side
note. A lot of people actually do blindly pull out into the, for a better word
lane. I’ve seen my fair share of needless accidents because cell phones are
more important than paying attention to what they are doing.
Anywho…
Even weirder are the people who have the opportunity to pull
through two spaces so they can end up facing out when they leave, if they so
desire. It would be both easy and convenient. But they don’t.
Stranger than that are the people who not only pull all the
way through both spaces, but out into the lane, just so they can back up into
the space they were just in. What tomfoolery is this? Why the extra step?
Something that has always amused me are the people who
circle the closest spots to the store, like vehicular vultures, for 10 to 15
minutes until one close to the door opens up. Meanwhile, there are plenty of
spots further out. You just have to walk a whole extra (gasp!) 100 feet!
Not to mention, the closest spaces is where all the traffic is, from
pedestrians to other lazy ass drivers. But hey, that peoples for ya.
Speaking of drivers, and this is just a vexation of mine, are
people who drive a little too fast for a parking lot. Sure, it’s not the road,
so I guess that maybe speed limits don’t apply? But there’s more people on foot
in a parking lot than one typically finds on the road. I may be an old fuddy-duddy,
but it doesn’t hurt to slow it down in a “lot”. God, I sound lame.
I’ve seen my fair share of people locking their kids or pets
in hot cars, with their excuses being that the windows were rolled down a
crack, or the kids were sleeping. The place I worked at didn’t necessitate
rushing to get there. If you can’t get a babysitter immediately, then come when
you can. There’s no rush, my fiend*.
On the topic of rushing, I’ve seen people leave their driver’s
door open. Who does this and why? You could tell me that porn was buy one, take
home Jenna Jameson for free (1998-era Jenna) over at Deacon’s Squirt Barn, and
I still wouldn’t be so pressed that I’d leave my car door open. You could tell
me that a school bus full of children is about to go careening off a cliff and
I’m the only one who can save them, and I’d still take the time to close my
door.
I’ve seen people leave their cars ON, with the keys in the
ignition and the car in drive. The only reason why the car hadn’t plowed through
the whole lot is because it was stopped short by the bumper of the car in front
of it. But the driver did give me a $10 tip for saving the day. Or, there was
the time the car was on, but the drive was in neutral. However, the doors were
locked, so there was nothing I could do. The reason for the situation haunts me
to this very day.
See what I mean about the Zen philosophy thing? I am but one
small mortal on this great blue marble. It is not for me to try to understand
the logic and reason behind the things people do, the way people think (or don’t
think, as usually seems to be the case). For I am just another piece in this
great puzzle called life. I’m a middle piece, I can’t begin to comprehend what
goes on in the mind of a corner piece, (damn, that’s the best analogy for life
anybody has ever come up with!) All a cog, like me, can do in the considerable
machinery of humanity is observe, be content with my place in all things and
not stress about…
Oh my God, he’s about to hit that car!
*Not a typo
