Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Bridezillas: The best way to get men to NOT want to marry you

So, over the past weekend or two, the WE channel (motto: Proof that it’s possible to have an entire channel about weddings and women will gobble it up!) has been showing large blocks of its show Bridezillas.

For those of you not in the know, Bridezillas is about camera crews following around brides-to-be as they prepare for their upcoming nuptials. We get to see the women organize the catering, the music, the dresses and tuxes and the 8 trillion other things involved with making their weddings the most perfect day in their lives.

Oh yeah, and the women are all bat-shit crazy.

See, the cache, or “hook” for this show is that these women are all literally the most terrible people in the world. Watching them prepare for their weddings is like watching a guy having sex with a sheep in a car that’s about to go off a cliff; it’s incredible nasty and yet you must watch it to its grisly end.

These women lie, the brow beat, they threaten, they cry, they manipulate (yikes, sounds like one of my exes) to get any and everything they want. Their justification? “It’s MY wedding day! I’M the most important person in the world! And you must all do everything in your power to make me happy!” some crazy ass lady on the show probably said.

The things they do on that show in the name of selfishness are astounding. But the worst part isn’t the abhorrent behavior these women display (all though that is REALLY BAD) it’s the people in their lives that allow them to act that way without giving them a bitchslap of truth. Be it the parents willing throw money at anything just to shut the Bridezillas up, the best friends who seem to scared to point out how crazy the Bridezillas are acting, or the hen-pecked and pathetic husbands-to-be who allow their women to trample all over them and call it love.

When you see this show, at first you want to feel sorry for the husband. You sit there with pity in your heart at the sight of these men trapped in relationships that are obviously no good for them. But then you sit back and realize that those idiots got themselves into this situation. Their girlfriends were probably self-centered bitches long before the idea of matrimony entered the picture. And they’ll continue to be that way even if they get everything they think they want for the wedding.

In fact, those jerks deserve what they get. I mean, it’s not like it’s a hidden-camera show. It’s called Bridezillas for heaven’s sake! Not…Laid Back and Reasonable Women Preparing for Marriage, ya know? Why would any man want to get involved with that? (And of course, all the women think it’s a point of pride to be a Bridezilla. That’s some messed up logic there.)

I’ll tell you who I DO feel sorry for: the cameramen. Those guys are stuck following these crazy people around for weeks. Stuck having to listen to the ‘tards whine and cry and basically embarrass and debase themselves on camera, and for what? 15 minutes of fame? I wouldn’t be surprised if that show has a high turnover rate on cameramen. I know I could only take so much stupidness before I drop the camera and shake the shit out of somebody!

Of course, the real head-scratcher is why anybody would go on this show. The things the women say about their friends and family members would seem to me the kind of stuff you wouldn’t want caught on camera and played on NATIONAL TELEVISION. The show is edited in a way to make these women look crazy. They must have watched an episode or two of the show before starring on it themselves. It’d be like starring on a show called Racist Assholes and not knowing how the final product will turn out.

I guess it’s for all of these reasons that I love/hate this show. The love/hate shows are the best shows in my opinion. The ones where you root for nobody, hope everybody has a miserable life and that it doesn’t end happily ever after. Kind of like real marriages, I guess.