You Have the Right to Bear…Hugs (or, all you need is GUNS)

Recently, I learned that America is having a collective argument about some trifle. I was nonplussed! What rigmarole was this? America is and always has been a unified body. We’re just a big old tasty stew in a melting pot of love. We’ve never been divided by anything before! Surely this means the End of Days!

And then I did a little research and it turns out that we’ve been divided on a conservative ONE TRILLION things before. Here’s a short list.

• David Lee Roth vs Sammy Hagar
• Great Taste vs Less Filling
• Kirk vs Picard
• DC vs Marvel
• Standard vs Manual
• Thin Crust vs Deep Dish
• Coo Coo Ca Cho vs Goo Goo G’Joob
• Die Hard vs All Other Movies
• Yanny vs Laurel
• Chevy vs Ford
• Cowboys vs Indians
  
• Star Wars vs Star Trek
• Buttnaked vs Bucknaked
• East Coast vs West Coast
• Sunny D vs Purple Stuff
• Connery vs Moore
• Pat’s vs Gino’s
• Rap vs Hip Hop
• The Light Side vs The Dark Side
• Mac vs PC
• The vs Thee
• Michael Jackson vs Prince
• You Can Get With This vs You Can Get With That
• iPhone vs Android
• Coffee vs Tea
• VHS vs Betamax
  
• Stars and Bars vs Don’t Tread On Me
• Bruce Lee vs Jackie Chan
• Pornhub vs YouPorn
• Rolling Stones vs Beatles
• Nintendo vs Sega
• Disney vs WB
• William Shakespeare vs E. L. James
• Leno vs Letterman
• Britney vs Christina
• In ‘n Out vs Five Guys
• Jack Nicholson vs Heath Ledger
• City Mouse vs Country Mouse
  
• Mario vs Sonic
• Left-Handed vs Right-Handed
• Ali vs Foreman
• Cat vs Dog (when they live together, it’s mass hysteria)
• Cake vs Death

See what I mean? It’s a madhouse out there. Surely there’s at least one thing we can all agree on? My vote is on how expensive Disney World is. That’s shit’s crazy, don’t you think?

So, did I miss any? Let me know in the comments.*

*Comments! Hahahaha!