Lost
Lost: One tabby cat, 200 lbs., brown hair, probably wearing
blue jeans. Goes by the name Lung Butter. He’ll probably say that isn’t his
name, but don’t listen, he’s a liar. If found, please return to George. Also,
tell him to bring some kitty litter on his way home. This place smells like wheeeeeeeew!
Lost: Please help me. My dog is lost. He’s red and about 25
feet tall. Honestly, I don’t know how the cops haven’t been called already, he’s
pretty hard to miss. To track him, just follow the paw prints the length of a
mini-cooper. Thank you!
Lost: My friend Snuggle Puff is missing. He’s a Goliath
Birdeater tarantula. Don’t worry, he’s harmless. He’ll probably make his
presence known if you feel a tingling crawling up your pantleg. That’s just his
way of saying hello!
Lost: Howdy. I’ve lost my old girl Bessie. She’s a 1989
F-150. If you see her, approach her slowly. She’s a bit skittish. Also, you
might want to wear a gas mask, those exhaust fumes are toxic!
Lost: My mind. Why did I get married?! Please, somebody help
me find my sanity. $1000 reward!
Lost: This is a little embarrassing, but my Frankenstein got
loose…again. He never wanders too far, but you never know. If you spot him,
play some violin or something soothing. BUT NOT DRAKE! DRAKE AND FIRE BAD!
Lost: Me. Where am I? Is this Hell? I see a light; I think I
may go toward it…
Lost: My boy Waldo got lost years ago. Fool owes me $20. He’s
wearing a red and white stripped sweater. He was last seen with his girlfriend
Carmen Sandiego. Find them both and get the prize!
Lost: One shoe. Don’t ask me how it happened. It happened,
okay? Get off my back. Just help me look for this damn thing. It’s probably on
the side of I-95 in Jersey.
Lost: In Translation. That’s not a good movie, right? I
mean, we’re all supposed to like it for some reason, but it’s really just some
pretentious garbage. If you agree, tweet me @SophiaCoppola.
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