Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Requiem to My Forced Shared Living Space Counterpart

Oh, forced shared living space counterpart.
Why do you live the way you do?
Have you no understanding,
Of personal space?
Do you not comprehend,
That you do not live alone?
I’m here too, my forced shared living space friend.

Our room is quite small.
Big enough for one person alone, surely.
It’s called a Containerized Housing Unit,
But we both know that it’s really nothing more,
Than a shoebox.
A shoebox without enough space for two grown men.
I’m tired of stepping on your shit.

Oh, forced shared living space counterpart,
You might want to consider respecting work and sleep hours.
I work during the day.
Therefore I like to sleep at night.
I’m funny that way.
Choosing 2 a.m. to do your laundry,
And whatever other tasks you feel like doing,
Is a very, very bad idea.

Why don’t you sleep at night?
Why don’t you take care of your crap during the day,
Like a normal person?
Do you like being an inconsiderate jerk?
Do you want to be suffocated in the middle of the night,
By my Spongebob Squarepants pillow?
I’d be happy to oblige.

Ever consider putting some water bottles in the fridge?
Or do you just enjoy drinking boiling water?
Scorching and searing the lining of your throat,
Just because you’re too lazy to move some bottles
A scant foot and a half.
I can’t blame you for not doing that.
Oh wait, I totally can.

And don’t get me started,
On your bathroom etiquette.
I’ve never encountered anything so atrocious.
You’re allowed to throw away empty Axe body wash bottles.
I won’t complain.
Same goes for your bottles of lotion.
It’s amazing to see a grown man
Go through a full-sized bottle
Of cocoa butter a week.
Not even Ashy Larry is that ashy!

You’re leaving for America in less than a month
But I might be forced to burn our trailer down first.
Setting alight your acoustic bass,
The most ill-considered deployment purchase,
Since your stupid skateboards,
Would bring me so much pleasure.
You are indeed an annoying human being,
Forced shared living space counterpart.

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