I want to bang Janice the Muppet.
I want to run my fingers through her yellow, stringy, yarn-like hair.
I want to caress the soft felt of her radiant cheeks,
And listen to her wail on her left-handed Gibson Les Paul
“Like, oh wow man!”
I want to hump Irona the Robot Maid.
There’s just something about a female robot
With a square jaw and a maid’s costume.
Richie Rich doesn’t know what he’s got,
And she’d beat the hell out of Rosie the Robot
I want to screw Blondie Bumstead.
I want to make her a big ass sandwich and watch her eat every bite.
I want to spoon with her backwards on a couch all Sunday.
Her classical looks and ridiculous ta-tas,
Make me want to meet her in the funny pages
I want to smurf Smurfette
I would gnaw on a mushroom, like Alice.
And shrink down to her size.
And if she didn’t put out,
Then I’d end up having blue balls.
I want to sexify Jessica Rabbit.
I truly enjoy her booby…traps.
She sparkles more than a lame-ass vampire.
I’d show her how funny I can be,
With an over-the-top lisping stutter.
I want to seduce Ophelia.
And take her to my castle in the country-side.
I’d yell at her uncontrollably, for no obvious reason,
Then manically cry on her shoulder.
Our honeymoon would be at a nunnery.
I would love all these fictitious women,
And make them my harem.
The Hef may have The Grotto,
But I get to have all the fun.
* Or, Fictitious Love**
**Or, Do women think about stuff like this?