H8tErZ B3wArE!

Sorry about that title everybody. It seemed like a really myspacy kind of thing to do.

I don’t usually like to specifically write about Myspace too often because I post this blog on other sites (i.e. http://eighty-fourglyde.blogspot.com and other places) which I do for people who refuse to get on Myspace and won’t understand what the hell I’m talking about. But today I feel compelled to make this a Myspace (or as people who live on the site call it: myspazz) focused blog. More specifically, it’s about the use of the word HATER.

From time to time I like to skim the popular blogs section of myspace, and something I notice a lot is that people love to talk about HATERS. People throw around the accusation left and right, alienating entire swathes of human kind by calling them HATERS.

The closest definition I could find of HATER as it is used most often on Myspace is: “Someone who hates.” Which I think is just a lazy definition. Sadly, there is no slang definition that can be agreed on by more than five people, which means that there will never truly be a consensus on what it means. But I can tell you this: if you indiscriminately call somebody you’ve never met and know nothing about a HATER, then you’re borderline retarded, (and yes I see the hypocrisy in me calling people I’ve never met and know nothing about retarded, but it’s my party and I can cry if I want to.)

Go to Tila Tequila’s blog (I double dog dare you!) and if you’re able to survive reading her drivel and the incoherent ramblings of her “fans” for more than five minutes, (I’m pretty sure that the government is reading her blogs and the eight million pages of comments that follows each one to the prisoners down at Gitmo and I just have to say, nobody deserves that kind of torture) then you should go see a doctor because you might have absorbed a dangerous amount of stupidity. But, you’ll also notice that sandwiched in between the hundreds of comments by people who worship her like a Goddess (example: Tila, you freakin rock!! You come across as a real person. Besides being x-treamly beautiful in this vid, you connect I think, on a human level. For being a real person doin' you, you have a fan for life. Peace. Or: TILA, WILL U MARRY ME? PLEASE? PRETTY PLEASE? PRETTY PLEASE WITH SUGAR ON TOP? JUST JOKIN, LOL..... NO IM NOT. That’s not scary or stalkerish in anyway, is it?) are people who question this whole Tila Tequila phenomenon. They try to talk sense into her and say realistic things. She’s not the be all end all of the internet, America or the music industry, in fact, she’s a No-hit Wonder. Yet, these people are attacked vehemently by her illiterate fans and called HATERS. They are even threatened. And why? Because they say the truth and some people don’t like to hear it? Living in a fantasy world is great, but the world does not operate on how things “should” be, it operates on how things actually are. And in actuality she’s a nobody just like the rest of us. But I won’t give her anymore advertising. This isn’t supposed to be a hate Tila Tequila blog. I wish her luck with her music career and she can certainly rub my face in her piles of money and millions of internet “friends.”

What’s worse are the people who are under the impression that they are hated on because they –in their own minds- are attractive. Enough of that! Nobody cares enough about you to hate you because of your looks, your current boyfriend/girlfriend, your clothing style, your ride or what part of the trailer park you live in. They just don’t. And those blogs where people call out random nobodies to fights need to be deleted as well. Why would somebody who supposedly hate you so much even bother to read your blog? Even sadder, why write a blog specifically for somebody that you think hates you?

The truth is that nobody on Myspace, (with a few exceptions) is worth hating on. It’s too much energy and a waste of time. So let’s just try to let the whole thing die before shit gets too out of hand.

Alright, that’s enough of me venting my frustration. Next time I’ll tackle “LOL,” and why the use of that is single-handedly bringing down our civilization, (here’s a hint, just because you write lol at the end of a sentence doesn’t mean that it was funny. In fact it means that it was only funny to you.)

I gotta go have a good lie down now.

I have entered the first official (or, legit) humor blog contest on myspace.

But I need the help of the people who actually read this blog. While I may have entered, I did so without a specific entry in mind. I’m asking you all what favorites you guys have, what you thought was the funniest. Please leave a comment telling me what you thought was your favorite Eighty-Four Glyde entry. Feel free to look through the archives if you want, but considering that there’s almost a hundred entries, I’ll understand if you don’t. Please leave a comment with your suggestions. Then, when the contest happens next week, read all the entries from all the contestants. Because there are a shit load of funny mofos on Myspace, and I’m going to get my ass spanked!