Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Dr. Gooch’s Guide to Happiness: 101 Ways to Tickle your Fancy

(Featured here is an excerpt of the preface from Dr. Gooch’s award-losing book: Dr. Gooch’s Guide to Happiness: 101 Ways to Tickle your Fancy, published with permission from the author. Any links added to the text are for the benefit of Internet readers. Views expressed by Dr. Gooch are not necessarily those of Eighty-Four Glyde or its parent company the Sheinhart Wig Corporation.)

This can be quite the sad world we live in these days; with wars, lead poisoning, Senators with wide stances and Myspace-induced suicide, it’s no wonder that people feel overwhelmed and close to death.
Death surrounds us and it’s closer for some people than others.
“For those aged 15 years and over, the number of deaths in 2004 of persons who were married was 919,270; widowed, 892,017; never married, 248,424; and divorced, 286,758*.”
In an interesting fact, according to the National Vital Statistics Report with final data from 2004, (the most recent statistics available at the time of this book’s printing) is that in America, you’re more likely to die from Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s or even Septicemia (a form of blood poisoning) than you would of homicide or even sexually transmitted diseases such as A.I.D.S. Yet, you don’t often see as many people rallying around those causes (actor Michael J. Fox being the most notable exception.) This is because people are not fully educated with regards to statistics and other information. People often fall victim to the Availability Heuristic, which shows a bias in common knowledge based on available information.
Those are facts not often addressed or considered by “John Q. Public” on a daily basis, and I don’t blame them. There are enough things in life for people to worry about, without adding more problems.
Even with many people lamenting these as the “end of days,” there’s no reason why people need to feel stifled or burdened by life. In fact, life should be celebrated and enjoyed by everybody (Except for the poor, diseased and others whose lives completely suck and cannot be salvaged, regardless of how much optimism they have. This book isn’t for people with real problems who should be allowed to be as depressed and as miserable as they see fit. This book is for the rest of us.) everywhere!
It isn’t always easy to turn that frown upside-down. That’s why I’m here. With the steps and tips included in this book, I promise that I can make even the most cynical, pessimistic person out there into Lil’ Miss Sunshine. I have over 50 years experience in medicine and behavioral studies. I have worked with the likes of Dr. Timothy Leary, Dr. Zimbardo and Dr. Mengele, amongst others. My knowledge is vast.
I have taken all my knowledge and crammed it all into this simple and easy to read, 150-page book. I will take you on a step-by-step journey to discover your inner happiness. Topics covered in my book include:
· 43 muscles to frown and 13 to smile, fact or myth?
· How to save money on electricity by smiling to brighten your life
· Alcohol and drugs, the lazy man’s route to happiness
· Is happiness really a warm gun?
· How to brainwash yourself into happiness
· Which religion promises the most happiness
· And a very special chapter by Will “Pursuit of Happyness” Smith

After reading this book, in no time your attitude about life and the world in general will be described by one of these words: bouncy, upbeat, optimistic, cheerful, bubbly, elated or deranged.
When this book first came out, I was speaking at a seminar in Elephant Butte. At the end of the seminar, a gentleman approached me. He was over 300 lbs, he was balding, his clothes looked to have been stolen from the children’s bin at a nearby Salvation Army and he could only afford to buy and wear Gators on his feet. But he was happy! His name was Esten Able, and he told me that reading my book (101 Ways to Tickle your Fancy) had given him a whole new outlook on life. He was feeling better, his health seemed to not be as bad, he had a bigheaded Korean girlfriend and was even considering moving out of his mom’s basement. It was all thanks to me. And those results can also be yours! Just read on my friends. Happiness is just a few chapters away.
Lastly, at the end of the book, if you still aren’t happy with your life, I’ve included a cyanide pill. Because face it, if you’re not happy, you’re just sucking up valuable air.

*Minino A, Heron M, Murphy S, Kochanek K, National Vital Statistics Report, Volume 55, Number 19: August 21, 2007


karri said...

You are outrageous...and I love it. coming here to read your stuff...

P.S. I drove past the Eighty Four Glyde exit on 70 a few days ago...thought of you...and had to laugh.

Joshua said...

Glad you like reading. Stay tuned, in an upcoming entry I will be traveling to Eighty Four and Glyde to get a feel for life in those two, now infamous, towns.