Sunday, December 31, 2006

New Year equals same old shit

Well, 2006 is over and 2007 shall begin in a little while. Now is the chance for us to take a look back over the past year. Reflect on our triumphs and failures. Think about the memories we might regret and the ones we will cherish with us forever.

Screw that.

I’m not writing any damn end of the year blog entry! Anybody with a computer, the misconception that they’re deep, and too much emo music blasting in their ears can do that. Naturally, I can’t go in that direction, it’s too obvious and easy. I have more fun going in my own direction. And if other bloggers have chosen the same direction as me, good for them, going against the herd is always more interesting and takes bigger balls.

So, instead of doing an entry about something completely different than New years, (you know, something like: Tips to survive a horror movie, which is vital information everybody should know and I’ll save for a later time), I’m gonna just write out some shit I’ve noticed in this wide wonderful world of ours. That’s right, it’s time to Ruminate!

-Ever notice how, when two famous people die at the same time one person’s death always over shadows the other one? And usually it’s the less deserving of the two who gets all the attention. Princess Di and Mother Teresa died pretty much at the same time, but Di got all the press! She never even did anything other than sell a few old ratty dresses she didn’t want anymore to raise awareness of land mines or something, (and a big success that was wasn’t it? Truly she has made a difference in the world). Whereas Big Momma Teresa devoted the whole of her long (and not very attractive, I mean come on, she had to be a nun, she had no other choice!) and important life to helping people in person. She went to all those third-world countries where the kids run around with swollen, empty bellies and the women just let their indigenous ta-tas hang all out and saggy and everybody always has flies just sitting on their faces and nobody swats them away. She went to these places and wrecked shop! She built schools and dams, stopped the flow of lava from erupting volcanoes, bent spoons with her mind, dropped frozen lakes on forest fires and invented the wheel. Compared to that Di was nobody, (of course, compared to a gangrenous big toe she’s nobody) and yet everybody concerned themselves with her more. Sup with that? Elton John didn’t write songs about Teresa. People didn’t line up to see her old wrinkled body go through the streets. Hell, who even knows where she was buried? Not me and I’m the only one who seems to give a damn.

Same thing is going on now. James Brown and Gerald Ford: both dead. And again the person who doesn’t deserve the coverage is getting all of it. That’s right, I’m talking about Ford. Let me put it this way: as just some regular guy with no political knowledge and the attention span of a typical American, I know very little about Ford. But I do know one thing and that is that he pardoned Nixon after that whole Watergate jazz. Based on just that bit of info I have deduced that Ford is a douche. Whereas James Brown was the Godfather of soul who made about a trillion popular songs, wherein you could only understand every third word he said and which have been sampled by every other musician in the history of the world. Long after everybody forgets who Ford ever was, (just as I’ve already done with all previous presidents) people will still be getting up On the good foot and talking about how they’re all Sex Machines. But all I see on CNN and FOX (motto: who needs the news when we can just report our opinion about the news!) news channels are shows about Ford’s life. BFD!

-Is it just me or has driving become really dangerous these days? I speak mostly to people who live in cities, but all areas of sprawl count. People drive any way they feel like and the situation isn’t helped by the great amount of immigrants who come to America and bring the driving rules from their countries of origin. I can’t blame foreigners though, there are so many bad drivers on the road: old people, women, drunks, etc. But you want to know who the biggest violators are? People on cell phones.

I don’t get it, I mean, there are so many worse things a person can be doing while driving, such as eating, fiddling with the radio, beating their kids, drinking, having sex, attempting to drive using the Force; but for some reason cell phones just make people bad drivers, almost as if they’re unable to drive and hold a conversation at the same time.

You’ll be driving down the road, going to Popeyes, (if you’re like me) or the neighborhood porn shop, (again, like me) when suddenly the person from the next lane just kind of swerves over into your lane. You slam on the breaks and let the person go ahead. While driving in front of you, the car is worse at staying in the lines than a kid with Parkinson’s attempting to use a coloring book. And on top of it the speed limit is 45 MPH or something and the car isn’t going any faster than 25. When a break in traffic comes up you drive by the car and look inside, expecting to see Helen Keller behind the wheel when instead it’s just some regular looking person, (insert your own definition of “regular person” here) totally focused on the cell phone in their hand.

Damn that’s annoying!

Anybody else notice stuff that makes them question the very nature of the universe? Or is it just me?

No comments: