Sunday, September 10, 2006

Josh’s Guide to Being a Super Hero Part II: (The return of, revenge of, son of, strike back of Part I)

A few weeks ago was the first half of the guide to being a super hero. I hope nobody decided to go out before reading the rest, because this is the important stuff.

The Name

Your super hero name is vital. It identifies you and should strike terror into the hearts of your enemies. There are two schools of super hero naming, either one is a viable option. There’s the more traditional school of naming that puts man/boy/girl/woman at the end, and some kind of adjective or noun in front. So you could be Footman, or Greasywoman. It’s up to you, (side note: anybody have a clue as to why there’s a hyphen in Spider-Man’s name?)

The second school of naming involves putting “The” in front of some random word that either describes who you are, or what you do. The “The” is actually optional and can be dropped. Examples of this style include The Punisher, The Wedgie and Dental Floss.

There are some exceptions to these two schools, naturally, as well as some people who have combined the two, i.e. The Batman. But whatever you do, keep it simple, people won’t want to ask The Really Super Guy With Lots of Cool Powers for help if it takes them too long to say it. And don’t make the mistake that Fabolous, Ludacris, and other rappers have made. Spelling is important!

The Uniform

This is vital. Something tight-fitting, or loose? Boots, or shoes? Cape or no cape? Hood or mask, or nothing? All of these questions need to be addressed before you appear in public. There’s nothing worse than a super hero who appears to save the day in a different outfit everyday. Nobody will recognize you. Other things to consider are: chest insignia, a belt or pockets for gadgets, hats, complementing colors, perhaps a light wrap or jacket, gloves, breathability, a one-piece or multiple pieces and material. With this last one you want something durable, many a super hero has had to leave a fight early because of a rip in the ass of his or her uniform.

And the rest

So you’ve got your origin, your powers, your uniform and your name, now all you’ve got to do is figure out where you want to set up shop. Most super heroes choose large cities and other urban environments where there are a lot of people, some specialize for a certain group of people and might work out of a jungle or forest, and others just go anywhere in the world where there’s danger threatening innocent people. The choice is yours.

Once you figure out where you’re going to go, you should be all set with the basics. Extra options like sidekicks, teammates, secret headquarters and arch-nemeses can be figured out as you go. The point is to do what you’re comfortable, because a happy super hero is a useful super hero.
Now go out and battle evil or something!

Stay tuned for my next Guide To, where I give lessons on being a successful secret agent. Or maybe a cobbler.
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