Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Reasons to move to a deserted island

• Why do people say “who cares?” What they really mean is “I don’t care.” So why don’t they say that?
Steve: “Britney Spears just lost custody of her children!”
Dave: “Who cares?”
Steve: “Well, I do, for one. Obviously. Since I brought it up and all. Her kids could possibly have an opinion on this subject as well.”
• Why do people walk through doorways and then just stop on the other side of the entrance? I don’t get it and it frustrates the hell out of me. If you arrive in a building or room you’ve never been in before and the fancy walls, floor and ceiling astound you and leave you dazed and confused, then please, please, step to the side, out of the way of everybody, and get your bearings without holding up traffic.
• Why do some people equate questioning or criticizing the war with being unpatriotic or traitorous?
• Why does religion cause more problems than it solves, yet everybody thinks religion in general is just the bees’ knees?
• Who came up with the saying “bees’ knees?” Does that make sense to anybody?
• Why is our productivity defined by how many hours we spend at work? Why can’t I go to my job and do my work until I’m done, then leave? Why do I have to sit at a desk for eight hours a day for almost 30 minutes worth of actual work?
• Why do people put so much stock in the Constitution? Don’t they know it’s a worthless piece of paper? You can’t run a country based on a document that’s hundreds of years old and incredibly out of date, that’s like trying to set up your cable TV using directions for assembling a bike. It’s going to lead to some bloody knuckles and hella frustration.
• Why don’t people use their turn signals anymore? What is it about talking on a phone while driving that turns everybody stupid? They decide that with one hand on the wheel, and one on the phone, that they can’t reach the turn signal switch, I guess. Sadly, it’s not just people on phones. It’s just thoughtless people in general.
• Why do people always think that they’re the exception to rules? Everywhere you go you’ll see somebody try to cut in line or make a turn from a non turn lane, or something that they know they shouldn’t do, but they don’t care because everybody thinks he/she’s special. Or that the rules don’t apply to them. Parents are really bad at this. They tell their kids what they can and can’t do, but then go ahead and act any way they want around the kids without realizing that they’re being watched. Why am I supposed to do what you tell me to if you don’t think that you should follow that rule yourself?
• Why are people so willing to let our insane government take away all our rights and freedoms under the guise of fighting terrorism? Why do people let the drummed up fear of “terrorist acts” control them so much? Military people like to say that they’re fighting for our freedom, (a favorite saying of soldiers is: I may not agree with what you say, but I’ll fight to the death your right to say it!) the thing is, all of our freedoms are being stolen by our own government. Terrorists aren’t trying to keep us from smoking in public or lobbying to have Intelligent Design taught in school. Nope, that’s our own peoples doing that shit!
• Why do politicians put more effort into talking about shit instead of actually getting shit done? It’s like they’d rather spend all day arguing about why things are messed up instead of fixing anything.
• Why do political bloggers spend so much time insulting each other and doing character assassination instead of partaking in logical, well-thought out and researched debates? And what’s the point of political bloggers anyway? Has anybody ever been swayed by somebody’s tirade against the biased liberal media, or somebody’s rant against the holier-than-thou conservatives? Doubtful.
• Why is America so litigious? We’re quick to take offense at the smallest thing and instead of thinking, we have ignorant, knee-jerk reactions. What’s worse is that everybody thinks that they have these rights that they simply don’t have. If some dude tried to sue me for $65 million because he didn’t like the way his pants were dry cleaned, I’d slap the taste out his mouth. And if I were the judge in that case, I would get up off the bench, hike up my judge robes and walk over to the plaintiff to beat him to a bloody mess with my gavel.
• And while I’m at it, that Goldman guy shouldn’t get a bloody dime from the O.J. book. It’s not even about reparations with him, he’s purposely being a dick just for the sake of being a dick. Guess what guy? It won’t bring your son back if you get a judge to order O.J. to give you his watch!
• Am I the only one who thinks this political correctness thing has got to go? I’m down for everybody respecting people because it’s the right thing to do and people would like to be respected in return, but to force people to respect others is pointless. That way you just piss off both sides.
• Why do Americans take so much pride in being stupid? We can’t get along as the richest country in the world forever. Just like a model’s beauty fades and she has nothing to fall back on, so to will our civilization crumble if we continue to enjoy such fine television programming as Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Do people not realize that other countries make fun of us for having shows like that?
• Why do people confusing being fat with being ugly? Ladies and gents, just because you can break a toilet seat in half when you sit on it does not mean that you’re ugly. It just means you’re fat! There are plenty of attractive people out there of all sizes. It’s mostly women who tie up the self-consciousness of their size with low self-esteem about their looks. There’s no reason why you can’t be big and hot.
• On the other hand, people, don’t get it twisted. Being overweight is unhealthy. It just is, (so is being underweight, I’d like to point out). I don’t understand why our society’s cognitive dissonance on the subject resulted in people being proud of being fat. It’s not a matter of being right or wrong when you’re overweight, it’s a health issue. Don’t embrace your size (be it too large or too small) while ignoring the opportunity to make yourself healthier. Is it the fault of genes? Is it the fault of restaurants feeding us transfats and trying to trick us? Is it laziness? Who knows? But don’t let the reason for your size be the excuse for not improving yourself.
• What causes people to blame others for their problems? If you scared, say you scared, don’t blame big faceless corporations for everything. If you do that, then the real grievances with the soulless conglomerates get lost in the sauce.
• Does anybody else think that a democracy isn’t exactly the best way to run a country? I’m not a communist or anything, but think about it. It’s all about majority rules. That means that if 51% of the population likes something, and 49% doesn’t, then that 49% is screwed. Seems a bit off to me. I’m for a tyrannical dictatorship. If Bush just opened up and admitted that he’s mouth-raping the Constitution, the Congress and the population of this country, then I might actually have some respect for him. Instead, he won’t just come out and say that he’s evil.
• What’s up with the group mentality in America? Adults love to teach kids that peer-pressure to do drugs is wrong, but what about adult peer-pressure? Anybody remember Prohibition? The only people who wanted that were wrinkly, dried up old biddies, yet they were able to guilt others into passing that pointless amendment. Same with the “going green” crowd.
• Speaking of which, you know this whole movement to go green is just a fad, right? It’ll die out as soon as things become too expensive or it turns out to be too much of a hassle to stay green.
• I think vegetarians need to lighten up. Don’t you? Same with people who hate fur and people trying to get smoking banned outside.
• Why is this list of things so long? Is there anything I do like about America? What do you like?

5 comments:

Frankfurt Freddie said...

1) I've never seen you call a fat girl attractive...don't try to front for your audience. You think all fat girls are ugly.

2) If America were to go from a democracy to a dictatorship, you would really move to a deserted island. And don't try to be on some "can't you read sarcasm" because I read your tone and you weren't trying to be funny about the issues

3) Yes I'm being a hater...cause the people next door keep laughing and won't let me get any sleep.

4) How can you talk about being "unhealthy" but then slam people who go "green". The same initiative it takes for some people to be healthy (i.e. exercise) is the same
drive it takes for some to spend a little extra or insert inconveniences in their life (recycling vs trash) for the sake of being "green".

5) Aren't you in essence doing what political bloggers do, with this post?

War Out (lol)

karri said...

Joshua,
I absolutely loved this post! I read your blog all of the time (since a friend sent me the link).

You had me glued to the screen until I was done reading. :)

Joshua said...

Karri,
Glad you liked it.
Fred,
Eat a penis!

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