Today is a very special day for me. Today is Friday, April, 20th, otherwise known as 4/20/07. And what makes this such a special day? This is the last Friday I get to experience as an unemployed slob, for my new job starts on Tuesday.
How come nobody warned me about how energy-sucking and depressing it is to try and find a job? Everybody I talked to made it seem like all I needed was a bomb-ass resume and the rest will take care of itself. WRONG!
As I was leaving the army last September, I was fortunate enough to take a three-day class wherein they taught outgoing soldiers how to write resumes, dress for interviews and respond to interview questions. Sadly, most of those soldiers leaving were infantry guys, which means that they don’t have the frontal lobe capacity to deal with work outside of the military. If you want to use your infantry skills in a non infantry-related job field, you’ve got very limited choices. Basically you can choose to be a cop, (which is what most soldiers go for) or you can be a mercenary, an assassin whose skills can be purchased by anybody with large sums of cash, (ex: Blackwater and Aegis.) Because, when you get down to it, the ability to kick in doors and shoot innocent people only applies to those two jobs. You can’t go to the Gap and put on your application that you can shoot a person through the eye at 200 yards, it just won’t help in the retail business.
I’m a little luckier off. Since I was a journalist and public affairs dude, I have a few more options when it comes civilian employment. Meaning, I can be a journalist at all types of different newspapers. Yet I don’t want to be a journalist. Five years of that, two of which were spent in
But that cut out a whole bunch of options for me. What kind of writing can I do if it’s not for a newspaper or magazine? (Honestly, I have no clue!)
So, once the money I saved up from
I spent months looking, (a month and a half really, I guess) for any job that had to do with writing. I networked, I posted my resume on all those job sites, (including Craigslist, possibly the dumbest idea I’ve had since joining the army in the first place. Using Craigslist led to about a million spam emails, all involving working in America for British companies and sending them money for some reason) I talked to people, I made phone calls, I stood on the side of the road with a “Will Write for Food” sign. I did it all.
Let me not bore you with the many, many failures I’ve dealt with. Including the time I thought I was going to be interviewed by a marketing and ad agency, but it turned out that I had to spend the day with some tool, going from business to business in strip malls somewhere in
Eventually I got a job. I’m going to be the entire marketing department for a company that sells waterproof keyboards, (they’re cooler than they sound.) I’ve got to get people excited and interested in waterproof keyboards! Excited yet? They’re keyboards! And they’re waterproof! Sand-proof too! Type rambling manifestoes at the beach! Play Sims online while going over the