Friday, November 16, 2012

New World Order

I saw a vision last night. A vision of a Brand New World. A world that is divided into two separate and distinct groups. With an immense and uncrossable gulf between them. A chasm so large and so deep, that it makes the Marianas Trench look like a crack in a sidewalk by comparison. And it widens everyday.

These two groups aren’t what you expect. It’s not the haves vs. the have-nots. It’s not race vs. race. It’s not Americans vs. Terrorism. It’s not religion vs. religion. It’s not Christians vs. Atheists. It’s not even Republican vs. Democrat. But in a way, it’s all of the above. Because all of those conflicts, those differences in beliefs and appearances and ideas, can be boiled to the most simplistic conflict of all: Us vs. Them.

My vision is of the far future, but not so far that it couldn’t happen in our lifetime. This vision was of  a divided Internet. Divided, separate, but perhaps not so equal. Maybe SOFA passed and the government took control and created this division, maybe it was just a natural progression and aggression that’s been building up since the Internet was invented, lo those many years ago. It’s a fight that’s waged across websites, forums, blogs and the like. A fight that’s ruined many a friendship, broken lives and caused much ridicule. I’m talking about the fight between the “Grammar Nazis” (I prefer the term Users of Proper English) and the “I don’t care, I’ll write any way I want, what are you gonna do about it?!” Or, in their terms “FU. U an noBdy cn tEl mE how 2 riTe!”

The distinction between the two sides can be quite fascinating. The reason the UPErs enjoy spelling correctly is because it’s correct, doesn’t make them sound like idiots and allows people to take what they say seriously. The reason the other group chooses to spell the way they do is about as organized as the Occupy Wall Street movement. Everybody is in it for their own stupid reasons. Let’s see what the top ones are, shall we?

1.     I just never learned how to spell properly.
Is your life over? Are you too busy with your job as head of an important corporation to take a few minutes out of your day to learn the difference between there, their and they’re? No, you’re just lazy.

2.     I can write however I want. I’m not trying to be some kind of brainiac like you. This is how I write. Deal with it!
I will deal with. Just as you’ll have to deal with that series of dead-end jobs you’ll have for the rest of your life. I’m sure that’ll help support the two kids you had by the time you were 18. Oh, and that’ll be a medium fries. Thanks.

3.     I’m just talking to you, why do I have to be formal and shit? Besides, you know what I meant.
This one is my favorite. Oh, you’re just talking to me? I’m not worthy of correct spelling? You’re an idiot. Not only is there no respect going on here, but on top of that I have the extra work of having to translate your bullshit version of English. Thanks for that, asshole.

The thing about the immense gulf between these two groups is that there’s no incentive to reconcile. This isn’t like the Civil War when people on both sides wanted to bridge the gap. This isn’t like the Klingons and the Federation trying to make an alliance for the benefit of both sides.

This conflict is much different. People from all walks of life will be divided. Parents on one side, children on the other. Forget Gray vs. Blue. This is friends against friends. Siblings against siblings. Everybody against everybody. It won’t be rich white people on one side and poor blacks on the other. Everybody is against everybody else. Us vs. Them.

You’d think that cleaving families like that would be a good reason for everybody to find common ground. However, people who spell properly have no desire to purposely misspell words. That’s unthinkable and dumb. People who purposely spell like English isn’t even in their top three languages are too prideful and stupidly stubborn to use spell check, let alone learn how to even write their own names.

This is the future. Maybe our schools could change that. But it’s doubtful. I honestly don’t see how this Brave New World won’t come to pass. And I don’t know if it’s a good future or a bad one. I just know that’s what it will be. I before E, except after C, bitches.