tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316068172012-01-31T03:52:03.749+03:00There is a place in this world. A place where sense and logic take a backseat to jokes about Japanese porn and how stupid the general populace is. A place where we can all be friends and get along as long as you agree with everything I say. A place for boobs and liver-destroying amounts of liquor. A place I like to call Eighty-Four Glyde.Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.comBlogger2391100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-15623583347749818412011-09-13T23:41:00.003+03:002011-09-13T23:44:22.123+03:00

At the beginning of the summer, I announced the "Create an Eighty-Four Glyde" Contest. The deadline was Labor day and the prize was $100. I had many interesting entries and was very pleased. But there can be only one winner, and that winner is Brenda Armira, because I liked her topic. If you didn't know about the contest, or didn't have a chance to finish your entry, not to worry, there will be

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-75955180026563139592011-08-24T16:16:00.002+03:002011-08-24T16:19:33.003+03:00

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Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-70964744679956740232011-04-21T17:22:00.002+03:002011-04-21T17:25:02.504+03:00

@font-face { font-family: "Cambria"; }p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }div.Section1 { page: Section1; } 3:47 am – my bed —Ugh. Can’t sleep…again. Damn this is annoying. How do other people do it? Lying in bed and doing nothing should be the easiest thing in the world. Considering how lazy I am, one

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-12262726717104670222011-04-01T18:09:00.002+03:002011-04-01T18:10:23.303+03:00

@font-face { font-family: "Cambria"; }p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }div.Section1 { page: Section1; } I usually don’t write blogs that aren’t funny. I think I did it a few times. Once when I was called back into the Army for my third deployment to Iraq and once about the first killed person I saw. I

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-21612104518074843862011-03-17T21:36:00.001+03:002011-03-17T21:38:52.747+03:00

@font-face { font-family: "Cambria"; }p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }div.Section1 { page: Section1;  The recent disaster in Japan has a lot of people worried about everything nuclear and radioactive. Ridiculously paranoid people all over this great country of ours (Motto: There’s no reaction like a

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-45300451773317923872011-02-24T20:17:00.003+03:002011-02-24T20:21:28.524+03:00

In the beginning, The Al Gore created the Information Super Highway and the World Wide Web.And the World Wide Web was without users or content. The Al Gore made the dial-up modem and the fiber optic cable and He saw that it was good. That was the first day.Then, The Al Gore made America Online. And He divided the American Online between chat rooms and primitive websites that offered almost

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-72803031944245666442011-02-16T20:59:00.001+03:002011-02-16T21:00:48.132+03:00

Typically bloggers and other supposed “writers” close out the calendar year by doing a “Year In Review.” Unfortunately I’m too late (and also lazy) to do that. So, I decided instead to prognosticate and tell you what you and the rest of the world can look forward to this year. Strap on your seatbelts (I’m serious, starting in July cops will be allowed to shoot on sight people not wearing their

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-26603993288300092042011-02-09T17:46:00.000+03:002011-02-09T17:47:33.503+03:00

A few months ago, I voluntarily went to a place I had never been to before. A place that, (from the stories I’d heard) was full of people whose minds were so warped that they could not differentiate between fantasy and reality. A place where people with severe mental disorders are allowed to run free amongst the normals. A place where you will feel fear, disgust, rage and horror. A place with no

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-68224854946065825302010-10-21T21:15:00.000+03:002010-10-21T21:16:31.001+03:00

It’s that time of year again. The leaves morph from a sea of green to a vibrant ocean of warm, golden colors, only to fall to the ground, leaving the trees bare and skeletal. The temperature goes down and the air becomes crisp and rejuvenating. What better time to dress up like Sarah Palin and go banging on strangers’ front doors for sugary goodness?That’s right, it’s Halloween time again. The

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-29423029636404663092010-07-16T17:21:00.001+03:002010-07-16T17:24:50.708+03:00

So the other morning I was able to attend a ceremony at the Smithsonian Museum of American History (Motto: Slavery? Internment camps? American Indians? Nope, sorry, never heard of that stuff!) where the museum was being presented with the original costumes of dummies Vince and Larry (as well as the original dummies themselves). Remember them? The Crash Test Dummies? They used to have

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-53810311697884307362010-07-06T15:15:00.000+03:002010-07-06T15:16:41.078+03:00

The dirt accumulating under your fingernails. The cuts and scratches on your hands, arms and legs. The pain in your lower back from constantly bending over. The sun beating down on your head and neck, baking the muscles and tendons beneath your flesh. The salty sweat that drips into your eyes and blinds you, but you can’t wipe it away because of all the damn dirt on your dirty, dirty hands. And

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-86824868811171753712010-06-08T15:46:00.002+03:002010-06-08T15:50:49.264+03:00

So, over the past weekend or two, the WE channel (motto: Proof that it’s possible to have an entire channel about weddings and women will gobble it up!) has been showing large blocks of its show Bridezillas. For those of you not in the know, Bridezillas is about camera crews following around brides-to-be as they prepare for their upcoming nuptials. We get to see the women organize the catering,

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-71310289209980166522010-05-26T15:17:00.003+03:002010-05-26T15:24:12.785+03:00

You know, I seriously think that the people here on the streets of the DMV (for those not in the know--and I pity ye for it--DMV stands for D.C., Maryland and Virginia, basically the Washington D.C. metro area. Here’s a fun fact for you*: in Maryland we have the MVA: Maryland Vehicle Administration, whereas every other state has a Department of Motor Vehicles, or DMV. Isn’t that ironic?**) Great,

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-24536293549946342342010-05-19T15:11:00.002+03:002010-05-19T15:16:23.768+03:00

“Sexting” one of the goofiest made up words since “iPad”. “But Josh,” you’re saying to your computer (which you really shouldn’t because computers don’t work that way…yet) “I’m over the age of 16. I’ve never heard of Justin Bieber, let alone ‘sexting,’ what does it mean?” I’m glad you asked, nonexistent voice in my head! “Sexting” is the act of sending nude photos, or provocative “texts” by “cell

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-29954042404371299712010-05-14T01:46:00.001+03:002010-05-14T01:49:36.633+03:00

Shhhhh….don’t tell anybody I’m back. Let’s keep this between you and me, shall we? Look…everybody’s gone! No more phonies, no more fanboys, just you and me. The way I always wanted it. Thanks for sticking around, I guess you really like the way I weave words into a tapestry of wonderment and wackiness. I’m the 400-count thread Egyptian cotton of funny! *** So listen, I’m a pretty active guy.

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-48793570331556238392010-05-12T16:01:00.002+03:002010-05-12T16:27:51.547+03:00

Is anybody out there? Hello? Probs not. But that's alright.So, what's new? Yeah, it's been awhile, but, like any quality narcotic (or episode of Adventure Time) one keeps coming back to what they love. So anyway, give me some topics to write about. I want to write something funny for you! Help me out. Shoes? The color purple? Relevant and vital socio-economic issues? Anything for you baby!Hey,

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-48432929857722772532010-01-24T23:05:00.000+03:002010-01-24T23:06:15.831+03:00

What a long, strange trip it’s been. Who knew, four years ago, that we’d end up here, you and I? Remember when we first met, back in 2006? Those were heady days, were they not? President Bush was kicking ass and not bothering to take names, Vice-President Chaney was shooting people in the face and laughing maniacally. Anna Nicole was doing drugs with her son, Bernie Mac was imploring America to

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-61091094687051776462010-01-07T05:07:00.001+03:002010-01-07T05:08:25.088+03:00

I've got one more left in me. Prepare for the last Birthiversary of 84 Glyde.

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-21666537572885145862009-07-09T18:31:00.002+03:002009-07-09T18:36:00.348+03:00

I’d been working the crime beat at the Times for about a month, and as was my typical routine, Grosney and I would retire to a nearby watering hole to drown ourselves in whiskey and commiserate about the state of the world today. A favorite reporter pastime. Grosney was an old hand in the newspaper business. He could remember the “good old days” as he called them, when he used to set type and the

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-22902020099770653892009-07-03T16:52:00.001+03:002009-07-03T16:58:12.766+03:00

It took him an hour and forty-seven minutes to fully dispose of the body. He hadn’t counted on the bone being so tough to cut through. Using the cleaver hadn’t been the bright idea he thought it would be. It hacked in big, uneven pieces from the bone and left the muscles and fat a bloody mess. He was pissed that his favorite movies had lied to him about how easy it was to kill and then get rid of

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-28532629533020154102009-06-03T17:59:00.002+03:002009-06-03T18:02:05.323+03:00

Too often in past entries of the Heroes of Yore series, we have ignored the contributions of women in the field of awesomeness. Some might say that’s because women haven’t done anything awesome since they invented the “ménage a trios,” but I disagree, I personally thought “2 Girls, 1 Cup” was pretty awesome if you’re in the soft serve ice cream industry. Regardless, women have made great

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-61085982519504273302009-05-28T16:07:00.002+03:002009-05-28T16:10:59.716+03:00

I’m quick to get annoyed in public. When I’m out, around people, I get frustrated faster than a redneck looking at interracial porn. I don’t know what it is, but when you get me outside I suddenly lose all pretenses of patience when dealing with The Great Unwashed. All of the small things that people let roll of their backs, or just don’t pay attention to, become great big glaring affronts to my

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-43311236231420973032009-05-20T18:01:00.002+03:002009-05-20T18:22:36.046+03:00

“This is your first one, right?” “Yes.” “And you’re sure you want it on your hand?” “Yes.” “And you want it to be this word?” “Yes.” “This…misspelled word?” “Sigh, yes.” “And you know it’s permanent, right?” “YES!” “Are you sure you…” “AAAAARRRGGGGGHHHH!” I said as I jumped across the counter and ripped the guy’s head from his colorfully tattooed neck, throwing it out into the busy street below.

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-57820031850993736292009-05-15T16:05:00.001+03:002009-05-15T16:07:53.061+03:00

Then you should read the latest installment of: Reviews of Movies I haven’t seen yet. It’s been awhile since my last review entry and I felt like I should share my expert advice with the two and a half people who still read this damn thing. These are all movies that are being released today. Ready? Groovy.Angels & Demons, (P.G.-13): Starring Forrest Gump and Obi Wan Kenobi, Angels & Demons is the

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-85737207057786629622009-05-06T19:58:00.000+03:002009-05-06T20:00:31.452+03:00

By the time the sun managed to bully its way through my dust-covered blinds and rouse me from my passed out stupor, it was about mid afternoon. I knew this because I was able to move my head the three inches required to see the clock from my position on the floor. Christ my head felt like shit! It was probably a consequence of finally being sober for the first time in 10 days. My mouth tasted of

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-64245040269221636842009-04-30T14:27:00.001+03:002009-04-30T14:29:08.982+03:00

How do I get myself into these things? I love cooking. I enjoy messing around in the kitchen, dabbling with ingredients, experimenting with flavors and dumping an ass-load of salt on everything. None of that stuff means that I’m a good cook, yet people keep making that mistake. Jeffery Dahmer was a bit of a culinary enthusiast himself, but he had a hard time filling seats during his dinner

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-55214185745915995022009-04-15T16:01:00.000+03:002009-04-15T16:02:34.179+03:00

As a member of the Great Unemployed, life can get boring from time to time. If I don’t add zest to the humdrum of everyday life, I’ll end up sitting on the couch, my appendages atrophied from lack of use (except for my left hand, of course*). So I try to be as active as a lazy, good-for-nothing can be. You won’t see me going on power walks around the neighborhood or anything, but if you’re lucky,

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-57439854011777802112009-04-10T19:33:00.001+03:002009-04-10T19:35:15.079+03:00

Thursday night is a great night for television. In fact, there were so many good shows on last night that I couldn’t decide what to watch. So, I set up my DVR to record just about everything on the Cartoon Network while I laid back and flicked through the channels, looking for something interesting. What I found was a fascinating show on BBC America (which I feel is a wasted channel because

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-284681531255459702009-04-02T23:49:00.000+03:002009-04-02T23:50:15.440+03:00

So I’ve been hanging out at a lot of airports recently, you know, spreading the Hare Krishna philosophy* and keeping an eye out for people on airline jihads, and I’ve noticed something: people are inconsiderate jerks. It was while I was walking, (with a sense of purpose and speed, I might add) that I realized that people get away with all types of stuff that if they tried to do while driving,

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-79009234161385307582009-03-09T20:03:00.002+03:002009-03-09T20:08:25.970+03:00

Allow me to take the time, if I may, to talk to you about movies. Not good movies, like Watchmen and Milo & Otis, or expensive blockbuster/epics like The Cat in the Hat and Army of Darkness. In fact, I’m talking about movies you’ve never seen, directed by a guy you’ve never heard of, featuring a cast of nobodies and filmed in the murky backwaters of Baltimore County, (and if you’ve ever been to

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-17395589931828201192009-02-21T01:37:00.000+03:002009-02-21T01:38:31.469+03:00

I’m sitting here, in the back of the “classroom”, on an uncomfortable stool. A raggedy old off-white apron protects my clothes, a hand towel rests in the customary place over my left shoulder. The room has mirrors over the main counter so you can get a good view of the chef’s hands at work chopping an onion or deboning a chicken, but her head is covering her labor and I’m stuck guessing what the

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-29153269760301860892009-02-13T21:07:00.000+03:002009-02-13T21:08:50.475+03:00

In these turbulent days in America, when the economy is going down the toilet faster than a watery dump, and our social identity is reflective of Popeye’s friend Wimpy (I’d gladly pay you Tuesday for a bailout/stimulus package today!) it’s no surprise that I have joined the ever expanding throng of jobless Americans. Of course, unlike the rest of the Great Unemployed Unwashed, I purposely don’t

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-76915106064765638812009-02-04T22:26:00.001+03:002009-02-04T22:28:02.288+03:00

I’m 28 years old and I have a specific pattern. I accumulate money, (typically during deployments to Iraq) and then blow through the entire bank account within six months on disposable things, like booze, movies and pizza, with nothing to show for it except a fat belly and a large porno collection. Then, I get sent back to Iraq and start the cycle over again. It’s worked like gangbusters for me

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-53012863024698297882009-01-29T21:32:00.001+03:002009-01-29T21:34:21.702+03:00

So I was lounging around in bed this morning, trying to fight past the raging headache that threatened to leave me paralyzed from the brainstem down, while feebly struggling to free myself from the tangled mass of bed sheets that had turned into hateful ropes during the night, chaining me to the bed like some kind of drunken Prometheus waiting for his liver to be torn from his stomach and eaten.

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-87407107675092560842009-01-23T23:19:00.000+03:002009-01-23T23:20:18.563+03:00

So, in the midst of getting back from Iraq, getting the hell out of the army, moving into a new apartment, growing a dirty hippy beard, burying an aunt, getting drunk on days that end in “y”, trying to keep off the 30 pounds I lost in Iraq and acquiring a girlfriend, I really haven’t had the time, nor the inclination, to write any Eighty-Four Glyde entries recently. Too many damn things on my

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-40579471347658414172008-12-13T03:40:00.000+03:002008-12-13T03:42:55.381+03:00

Due to contractual obligations with being a member of the upcoming presidential cabinet, Dr. Gooch will be unable to participate in any Eighty-Four Glyde entries for the next couple of months. In the meantime, I’ve asked my other Glyde contributor, Sir S.G. Thuggish Killington III, Esq. to help me with today’s entry. With the recent release of the new James Bond movie: Quantum of Solace, we’ve

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-62618627946711110572008-11-26T13:09:00.001+03:002008-11-26T13:11:29.934+03:00

It's that time of year. And just like the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special (originally created in 305 B.C.) will air every November until the fall of our great country, I've decided to create my own yearly tradition. So here's the Eighty-Four Glyde I wrote about Thanksgiving two years ago. It's the definitive blog about Thanksgiving and could never be duplicated, improved or changed. It's the

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-53975402571213588262008-11-23T17:44:00.001+03:002008-11-23T17:47:58.897+03:00

It’s the sweetest word on ones lips. Or maybe it’s just me. Jealousy has always been my favorite emotion, (followed by the contentment one gets after a really good bowel movement). I see it as a mixture of anger and sadness, with just a dash of hate thrown in for good measure. Truly, a recipe for deliciousness that often delivers the satisfaction of a belly-full of drama. I’ve been a pawn of

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-31902000246788697612008-11-19T14:11:00.001+03:002008-11-19T14:13:55.678+03:00

1 - People who say they don’t care what other people think. Those people are idiots. Everybody cares about what other people think to some degree, and if they don’t, they should. They just shouldn’t care too much what other people think, or else they’ll end up doing nothing but sitting in their apartment waiting for their lives to happen. The whole concept of “I don’t care what people think about

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-77917783930741514322008-11-16T18:48:00.001+03:002008-11-16T18:51:28.994+03:00

I’m sitting here (at work, doing a whole lot of nothing), watching this show on cable. It’s called Bizarre Food with Andrew Zimmerman*, and as you can tell by the title, it involves this dude traveling the world and eating the craziest shit he can find. He can often be found in some back alley in Mumbai, eating goat penis and rooster balls. This show is gross. That’s the only word for it. Wait,

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-71770565908490353072008-11-12T12:42:00.001+03:002008-11-12T12:43:43.793+03:00

People often ask me*, “Josh, where do you get your hilariously wacky ideas for Eighty-Four Glyde entries?” The answer is: everywhere. I get ideas from television, movies, celebrities, current events, political figures, things that happen to me during the day, something I picked out of an orifice on my body, something somebody said, etc. Of course, sometimes I run out of ideas. Then I write about

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-43771536601592228772008-11-09T19:10:00.001+03:002008-11-09T19:13:36.773+03:00

Ever have one of those deep, straight-from-the-belly, independent, unburdened, unencumbered, long, loud, boisterous laughs after hearing of the problems of people in relationships? I laugh like that every time somebody (usually in the military) asks me if I’m married. I can’t help myself. No matter who asks me, or where we are, I suddenly explode in uncontrollable laughter. Me? I ask. Married?

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-595665608699260352008-11-03T13:39:00.001+03:002008-11-03T13:43:21.898+03:00

Tired of all the election hoopla? Don’t know who to vote for? Is your brain unable to wrap around the simple concept of picking a candidate? Too lazy to vote? Don’t want to stand for hours upon hours? Not registered? Fear not citizen! I am here to help. I feel your pain. Enjoy this list of things to do instead of voting. It’ll occupy your time until this whole election thing dies down and we can

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-60708849253591674362008-11-02T19:15:00.001+03:002008-11-02T19:16:46.995+03:00

There’s this old Monty Python sketch about a joke that was created during WWII, that was so powerful and so funny that as soon as the guy finished writing it, he died laughing. Naturally, the British Government felt that this joke would be a powerful weapon to use again the Axis powers. So they decided to have it translated into German. It took translators weeks to do it because they had to work

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-35964819613024719712008-10-29T15:23:00.001+03:002008-10-29T15:27:06.221+03:00

Democrats, Republicans: you’re idiots. Like idiots you’ve been swallowing every random lie your political overlords have been feeding you. Like idiots, you continue to abide by a two-party system that often places in power somebody that a lot people don’t want to see as POTUS. I can’t begin to recall how many times I’ve heard people saying they don’t like either candidate running for president (

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-51039113150750251302008-10-26T17:25:00.003+03:002008-10-26T17:30:20.837+03:00

Dolomite was his name and *#$&ing up mother $*#*%^ was his game. He’s the one who killed Monday, whooped Tuesday and put Wednesday in the hospital. He called up Thursday to tell Friday not to bury Saturday on Sunday. And you could tell he meant every word of it. Dolomite was the trash-talking, poem-spewing, ass-whooping, lady-seducing human tornado alter ego of comedian Rudy ray Moore. Born in

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-27059775980687589172008-10-22T19:57:00.001+03:002008-10-22T19:59:26.978+03:00

This is the most recent of my horrific bathroom tales. So recent that I still fume about it. But I got tired of telling people this story and having them laugh about it while I just got more frustrated. So I decided that sharing it will help me to separate from the awful experience and see the humorous side of things. About a month and a half ago, my inconsiderate roommate (as featured in my poem

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-37320127358110189092008-10-19T17:04:00.000+03:002008-10-19T17:06:50.963+03:00

Dreams are crazy things, aren’t they? Can’t be predicted, can’t be controlled, hell they can’t even be understood, let alone explained (though a lot of people make money off of doing so anyway.) What are dreams? Why do we have them? Why do so many of my dreams involve zombies? It’s typically at this point where I’d turn to my friend and long-time contributor Dr. Gooch for answers, but we’re

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-55697201781025603272008-10-12T13:47:00.001+03:002008-10-12T13:50:26.832+03:00

Hi! And welcome back to my multi-part Guide to Making a Movie. Today I tackle making a favorite genre of mine, the Horror movie. Done right, the Horror movie can inspire fear and pants-wetting across the country and spawn generations of copy cats. Who knows, If you’re good enough, you can make the next Evil Dead flick!The Horror Movie: Horror movies are simple. There are two main types:

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-52549569902191241032008-10-08T13:02:00.002+03:002008-10-08T13:08:10.051+03:00

Throughout the history of Hollywood, there have been comedic geniuses, Buster Keaton, Danny Kaye, Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder, Mel Brooks, Jim Carrey, Dave Chappelle, Bill O’Reilly, Dame Judi Dench and of course, Don Knotts.But it wasn’t always that way for Don Knotts. He long harbored dreams of being a Shakespearean actor in British theatre. Don Knotts, born Julius Aloysius Thumington Knottsbury

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-42002854345646042602008-10-05T12:36:00.001+03:002008-10-05T12:39:18.560+03:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of What The F*ck? In this episode, our financial expert and economist Dr. Gooch will answer all of the made up questions posed once again by you: the made-up readers! Got a question about the current state of the American economy? Then worry not friends! Dr. Gooch is here to allay all your fears and worries.Q: Lay it out for me doc. What the F*ck is going on

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-66719466056018224242008-10-01T12:13:00.001+03:002008-10-01T12:16:45.260+03:00

So, you want to make a movie? Good for you. If you’re gonna make a movie, you’ll have to figure out what kind of movie you want. It’s really not that hard, there’re only a few different types and they’re all pretty easy to figure out. This is Hollywood, where nothing is new or experimental. Everything follows a specific formula that never changes. Let’s explore the first one… The Romantic Comedy

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-40160092950102884272008-09-28T15:22:00.001+03:002008-09-28T15:28:00.810+03:00

Howdy friends. Got a new Hot Sheets for ya this week. A little levity for you to enjoy on this easy, laid back Sunday morning. First off, in Portland, Oregon (Motto: Oregon, more than just a cheesy computer game from the 80s) comes the interesting tail of a 71-year old who went into the Curry General Hospital in Gold Beach with abdominal pains only to discovery the actual diagnosis was pregnancy.

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-63793023473274210332008-09-24T13:03:00.001+03:002008-09-24T13:06:21.195+03:00

I love to eat. My stomach and the extra holes I had to make on my belt can attest to that. I love to eat and I love to cook. I find cooking to be soothing and focusing. When I have had a bad day or am just bored, I get in a kitchen and just go to work. It calms me down and I enjoy myself. Even if nobody likes the food I make, I just love to create and experiment in the kitchen. When I’m not

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-53907897515295289562008-09-21T17:07:00.001+03:002008-09-21T17:09:22.459+03:00

For this week’s Eighty Four Glyde Hot Sheets, I decided to go with a new approach. Instead of wacky stories from around the country, I’m going to offer commentary on real stories that may or may not affect you. Stories that you might actually have an opinion on. Let’s see how it goes. The first story: “Cities rethink wisdom of 50s-era parking standards” concerns parking spaces in cities like

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-26619399080835342092008-09-17T13:35:00.001+03:002008-09-17T13:38:47.202+03:00

Imagine it’s 1991 and you find yourself walking down a street in “The Big City.” It’s your first time there and you tend to gawk as you stare upward at the skyscrapers. Your every movement telegraphs the fact that you’re a tourist to everybody around. You accidentally make a wrong turn while looking for the Museum of Vomit Splatters Shaped Like Religious Figures, and end up in some dark and

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-68931160711983931902008-09-14T12:43:00.002+03:002008-09-14T14:29:04.976+03:00

Anchor: Greetings and welcome to the Fox News, 24-hour, nonstop coverage of Hurricane Josephine, which we have dubbed “Countdown to Inevitable Windy Death!” Currently the winds of Hurricane Josephine are bracketing the coast of Texas. Texas hasn’t seen such a violent, Category 1 hurricane since the deadly 1908 Hurricane Stanislaus, which killed, literally, millions of people. We have with us

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-84859339734855978202008-09-10T13:43:00.001+03:002008-09-10T13:56:49.047+03:00

Voice: That’s the question today. In order to figure out what you’ve accomplished so far with your life, let’s look at where you are.Me: I’m 27, in the army and sitting in Iraq in a uniform that chicks say is hot, but which hasn’t helped me get laid once. Voice: Alright. Let’s approach it from another angle: What’re your goals?Me: Goals?Voice: Indeed.Me: Indeed?Voice: Indeed.Me: Indeed.Voice:

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-49282240648215301262008-09-07T17:54:00.000+03:002008-09-07T17:56:15.777+03:00

I’m tired of this attitude that is so prevalent among dudes in this day and age. And that attitude is that hot lesbians are good. This is a fallacy, one that confuses me and just highlights the stupidity of men as a gender. Let me break it down. If you’re a chick, turn to the closest guy* and simply say “two hot chicks making out.” He’ll instantly break into a grin and you’ll be able to hear the

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-7008408217357551622008-09-03T13:50:00.002+03:002008-09-03T13:55:54.510+03:00

Every so often a man comes along who is greater than the times in which he lives. His very presence is a beacon of excellence that promotes and encourages greatness from those around him. Steve Guttenberg is such a man. During the wonderful time that was the 80s, Steve Guttenberg rode a wave of unrivaled popularity. Everywhere he went he was mobbed. Women threw themselves at him. Men begged

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-24630187459842545352008-08-31T13:43:00.001+03:002008-08-31T13:46:30.727+03:00

Some people question me. I get messages every week from people asking me where I am, if I'm still in Iraq. Hey, it's posted on my page people! Go ahead and check, right next to the picture of my ugly mug staring off into the distance like I've got some kind of deep thoughts going on. Yep, there it is "Baghdad, Iraq." If that's not enough for you, feel free to read the "about me" section on

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-66889210279215048432008-08-31T13:41:00.000+03:002008-08-31T13:43:37.838+03:00

On the advice of a certain Eighty-Four Glyde reader who thinks I rely on the Associated Press too much for news stories, I’ve decided to find a couple of fresh-off-the-presses news stories from other sources. I also went international! I hope you’re happy you bunch of whiney complainers! The first story was discovered on My Way News and occurred in the land of Badonkadonks itself, Brazil.

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-242339577118915132008-08-27T12:17:00.000+03:002008-08-27T12:18:35.170+03:00

Oh, forced shared living space counterpart.Why do you live the way you do?Have you no understanding,Of personal space?Do you not comprehend,That you do not live alone?I’m here too, my forced shared living space friend.Our room is quite small.Big enough for one person alone, surely. It’s called a Containerized Housing Unit,But we both know that it’s really nothing more,Than a shoebox.A shoebox

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-37601113553474285192008-08-24T12:17:00.001+03:002008-08-24T12:19:53.116+03:00

Another Sunday is upon us and that means another edition of the Eighty-Four Glyde Hot Sheets is upon us as well. It’s time to expand your mind with some of the most ridiculous news stories out there this week. I should be paying the Associated Press some kind of royalty. It’s just shocking how many retarded stories they come out with every day. My mind is blown. This first story makes you wonder

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-1340182866217772942008-08-20T12:51:00.002+03:002008-08-20T12:55:15.813+03:00

I hate having to work. I’m not one of those people who feel satisfaction from a long day of hard work. I’m one of those people who want to retire as soon as possible. It’s the American Dream to get a bunch of money and live comfortably while doing as little as possible. That’s why this country has so many nebulous-sounding jobs like consultant and advisor. If I have to work, (which I do, until

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-13658167154088205732008-08-17T14:07:00.000+03:002008-08-17T14:12:20.668+03:00

News you can use! That’s what I’m all about. I scour the internet to find the news stories that fall through the butt cracks of mainstream media. Let’s do it! Down in Longview, Texas on Wednesday of this week, it seems that Jennifer Lynn Rosenberg had a little trouble understanding the concept of a designated driver. Inexplicably, she had her 12-year-old daughter driver her, in a minibar, to a

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-16194917864564198202008-08-14T16:23:00.000+03:002008-08-14T16:25:35.445+03:00

Mankind loves to scare itself. Since the dawn of human existence, people have been telling stories to frighten each other, partially as a way of dealing with our fear of the darkness and the unknown. Even cavemen used to sit around the fire and tell each other stories about scary things that go bump in the night. Monsters have always been great at scaring us. And we’ve invented some doozies.

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-73503755160546685442008-08-11T13:40:00.000+03:002008-08-11T13:43:30.399+03:00

It never fails. Each day weird things happen that cause the mind to boggle. I present to you two such stories that occurred this past week. You may have heard of them, you may not, but they’re both way more important than anything else going on in the world right now. I mean, it’s not like any countries are being invaded or anything! Olympics? What are those? Here’s a cutesy little story for you.

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-59102857045304151502008-08-06T12:18:00.000+03:002008-08-06T12:24:19.885+03:00

People love to blame movies for stuff. All types of violent stuff. Columbine was The Matrix’s fault. VTech was Oldboy’s fault. Just last week, if I’m not mistaken, I saw a news story about a guy who went on a weekend Natural Born Killers bender to pump himself up to kill a bunch of people. People are very impressionable, it’s just a fact. Many people just don’t have imaginations to think on

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-13318948411522461792008-08-03T15:27:00.001+03:002008-11-11T15:57:54.182+03:00

And now for your weekly Hot Sheet. Remember people, I’m here to educate and inform you, (the loyal reader and the unloyal reader alike) as to the real news that you should know and that the mainstream media is keeping from you. Got a couple of good stories here for you today. So let’s just dive right in, shall we? Our first story comes from the July 30th issue of the Cedar Rapids Gazette. It’s a

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-37303801835805139342008-07-30T16:20:00.000+03:002008-07-30T16:22:32.618+03:00

The continuation of my misadventures while in America for two weeks. As soon as I arrived in the US, I enjoyed the opportunity to visit one of my best friends and drunkenly hi-jack his wedding in California (as recounted in a previous Eighty-Four Glyde). But the west coast left a bad taste in my mouth, and made me feel dirty. To clean myself up, (figuratively speaking) I decided to hit the

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-64417663707475494732008-07-27T12:01:00.000+03:002008-07-27T12:03:31.383+03:00

The hot sheets are back friends, here to keep you informed as to the real news that matters. Our first story is from the great state of Wisconsin! (Motto: Do we really like cheese that much?) Starring my new hero: 56 year-old Keith Walendowski. On Friday, the Associated Press reported that the Milwaukee man was angry because he couldn’t start his Lawn Boy lawn mower Wednesday morning. So, he

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-11943926317676433782008-07-23T13:49:00.000+03:002008-07-23T13:52:33.369+03:00

I was off on vacation recently. Decided to get away from it all here in the Middle East and just head on out to the west coast. Which shows how much this war has messed with my brain, because I’ve always stayed away from the west coast like fat people stay away from treadmills. But I had a good reason to go to California. Sacramento in fact. (Interesting fact: The Governator once called

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-57953953666279653222008-07-04T11:28:00.001+03:002008-07-04T11:30:06.766+03:00

It’s wayyyy too easy to be a sheep. When everybody likes something, it’s no skin off your back to like that same thing. It helps you to fit in, promotes friendships and gives you something to talk about around the water cooler in the morning. And there’s nothing people like better than to go with the flow and to be told what to like and how to think. But where’s the fun in that? I like to go my

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-72600667082700278402008-06-29T18:29:00.000+03:002008-06-29T18:32:08.500+03:00

You’ve got to love the Associated Press. They never fail to find the weirdest, most pointless news items from around the world (though mostly America, cause face it, we do the weirdest stuff) and make them available to the general population. This week is no different. Have you ever walked through the woods and felt that you were being watched by ninjas? It happens to me constantly. Nary a day

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-80623179497874863052008-06-26T15:41:00.000+03:002008-06-26T15:42:41.492+03:00

Seeing how I’m out here in the honest-to-goodness cradle of civilization, (the delta area encompassing the Tiger and Euphrates Rivers,) and having so much free time on my hands, (what with last year’s surge having worked so well and democracy coming any day now) I decided to do some research into the history of mankind. Being a born and bred American man, I decided to look into the early

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-44601075379518803512008-06-22T13:33:00.000+03:002008-06-22T13:35:08.107+03:00

Always striving to bring you the important news you need to know, Eighty-Four Glyde brings you this week’s hot sheets. Today’s first story is an AP article from June 20. Involving an enterprising young stalker out of Newburgh, New York, with aspirations of being a piece of furniture or something. David Joe Limones cut a hole in a woman’s couch (her name was withheld for no reason other than to

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-6570709486707223572008-06-15T11:17:00.001+03:002008-06-15T11:20:34.024+03:00

First and foremost, Eighty-Four Glyde is here to inform (betcha didn’t know that!). To that end, I’m introducing a new feature, to educate the Great Unwashed, with those news stories you may not have noticed while you were celebrating R. Kelly’s acquittal or lamenting the rising gas prices. Our first story comes from the June 10th, United Press International. It seems that a guy from Kansas (

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-68524601306405738312008-06-12T14:22:00.000+03:002008-06-12T14:25:48.772+03:00

People are always asking me the best way to incorporate Caribbean herbs into their recipes. I hope this helps to answer those questions. Happy cooking everybody! *** *** *** One June, a few years ago, some friends and I were enjoying a lovely evening sailing around the islands of the Caribbean. It was a small party with just myself, my friends Loudin Obnoxious, DaftMonk, Juan, “bringing

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-31175999507808928042008-06-05T15:10:00.000+03:002008-06-05T15:15:34.733+03:00

Summer’s back. I usually comes once a year and with it comes all the usual summer activities. My least favorite summer activity is lying in bed at night, wrapped in a sweaty sheet, struggling to sleep in the oppressive nighttime heat. It’s damn near impossible to get a good night’s sleep, but when I do, I have some strange dreams. Allow me to share the most recent: The dream began with me

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-12690264365742019422008-06-01T19:09:00.000+03:002008-06-01T19:14:38.476+03:00

How do everybody? I have been nominated in a blog writing contest run by Just Jaynie, a Myspace personality. I am in competition to be Mr. 4th of July! I don’t really know what that means, but as long as it involves the word “mister” in the title, I’m in! For the first round of the competition, I have to write why I think I should be crowned Mr. 4th of July. That’s an easy one. When I think 4th

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-73038364572697673932008-05-27T09:06:00.000+03:002008-05-27T09:11:45.024+03:00

Barbara Walters, Larry King, Oprah and Geraldo. All of them have contacted me in the past, in the vain attempt to gain knowledge of how I can constantly come up with such insightful, witty and mind-bendingly intelligent Eighty-Four Glyde entries on a regular basis. But I always send them away with a stern look and a shake of my head. For they are not capable of asking the proper questions to

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-83097415611257177722008-05-21T12:36:00.000+03:002008-05-21T12:39:27.300+03:00

I’ve alluded to my former abode a few times before. But most of you have never been formally introduced to my degenerate old domicile. At the end of my second year at the old alma matter, Wittenberg University (Motto: The home for WPs who wear Birkenstocks and socks in the February snow.) a few friends and I were in a predicament. We had to find some kind of off-campus housing for the next year.

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-73321732392771690062008-05-16T13:15:00.000+03:002008-05-16T13:20:25.087+03:00

It seems that the fad with blog writers on the interweb is to run around screaming their heads off and ranting emotionally about the AWARENESS and EDUCATION of some concern of the writers’ that everybody else is already pretty damn aware of. Blogger: I want to raise awareness of AIDS!Blog Reader: Why? Has it recently learned out to use a gun? Is it running for office? What new developments have

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-22013364670357895192008-05-11T10:17:00.000+03:002008-05-16T14:24:59.134+03:00

When she finally turned 16, Erogena started to appreciate how her body was growing. All the right parts were doing the right things, filling out nicely and rounding out beautifully. On most nights, after she had finished dinner and her requisite three hours of homework, Erogena would stand naked in front of the full length mirror that was hung on the back of her closet door. She would lose track

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-70717326035929373112008-05-01T00:01:00.000+03:002008-05-01T00:07:00.595+03:00

This is going to be a great summer for movies! I can’t wait! Oh, wait……..that’s right. I’ll be in Iraq. Unable to see a single damn one of ‘em! And no, bootlegs don’t count. In fact, they’re kind of an insult. I wanna see these super-expensive, mega-exciting, kick-ass movies on the big screen, not on a 8-inch screen with somebody’s ginormous, stupid, nappy head all up on half the screen and with

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-36682025425935776302008-04-26T21:45:00.000+03:002008-04-26T21:50:43.690+03:00

Cheesesteaks. I love ‘em. Maybe my favorite food. Either cheesesteaks or the still beating hearts of my enemies, (which I consume raw to absorb their courage, natch.) not quite sure which yet. Though cheesesteaks are easier to come by. With all the references to cheesesteaks in previous Eighty-Four Glyde entries, (go ahead and check if you don’t believe me) I know exactly what you thought when

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-40759458415166078482008-04-18T20:22:00.000+03:002008-04-18T20:24:46.075+03:00

Cars, scissors, can openers, school desks, machine guns, pens and pencils, guitars, computer mice, zippers, analog watches, locks, doorbells, Chihuahuas, grapefruits, mirrors and so on and so on and so on. What do they all (well, most of ‘em) have in common? They’re all designed for right-handed people. As a lefty I am sick and tired of the discrimination against southpaws like me. We’re people

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-40266932339976313262008-04-10T21:51:00.000+03:002008-04-10T21:52:47.862+03:00

Have you ever heard of that guy who had his hand trapped under a bolder and had to cut his arm off to live? I don’t remember his name, but I’m sure it was something like John Naileater, or Joe Rockbender, something like that, (though I’m sure his nickname is Lefty now.) Anyway, this guy was walking around some mountains, knocking bald eagles out of the sky with his loogies, wrestling whole sloths

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-16628451543743532402008-01-18T03:00:00.000+03:002008-01-18T03:02:28.875+03:00

Greetings, my name is Joshua Hutcheson and I’m not a patriot. As you may or may not know, I was a journalist in the army for over five years. In that time I went to Iraq twice, for a year each. In fact, I created Eighty-Four Glyde when I was in Iraq back in 2006. I joined the army prior to 9/11 because I was homeless and wanted food, clothes, money, electricity and the ability to wash my smelly

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-74456218918344886982008-01-09T20:43:00.000+03:002008-01-09T20:45:10.097+03:00

Happy 2nd Birthaversary Eighty-Four Glyde!Way back in ye olden days of 2006, I decided to write a blog to impress a chick, (cause I was under the mistaken impression that I can be funny from time to time. Go figure!) Two years and 140-something entries later, we arrive at the second anniversary of Eighty-Four Glyde's birth. Last year I decided to explain just what the hell Eighty-Four Glyde means

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31606817.post-13438856973384847062008-01-09T20:42:00.000+03:002008-01-09T20:43:14.285+03:00

* Was John Candy really that funny, or was he just a fat guy that people liked to laugh at? * Is global warming such a bad thing? I don't mind a few warmer days in the year. Cold weather sucks. * On the other hand, a white Christmas every once in a while would be nice. * Why are doors the size they are? People are constantly moving in and out of places and they have to get degrees in

Joshuahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15283601887548922206noreply@blogger.com1