Friday, March 09, 2012

Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Against the Breast Cancer that Joseph Kony is Giving Invisible Children

For far too long, we have stood by and done nothing as that evil bastard Joseph Kony has slaughtered billions of thousands by using breast cancer (and the fact that we aren’t aware of what breast cancer is) and he continues his reign of terror unabated. We must put a stop to that now! And the only way to do so is to throw money at the problem and post things on Facebook.

But now, it seems that even those two, half-hearted and pointless answers aren’t enough.

So join me, April 20, 2012, as I run a 10-k to raise money to fight both breast cancer and Joseph Kony in one fell swoop! For each dollar I raise, we can, TOGETHER, feel better about ourselves without actually doing a damn thing! TOGETHER, let’s pretend to fight things that we have no chance of beating, or that we just heard about a few days ago, (because face it, we all know shitty stuff is going on in Africa, that’s why we turn a blind eye, it sucks over there!)

With each dollar raised, we can stop the horrors surrounding blood diamonds… what? We’re not doing the blood diamond thing?... But it’s killing so many people and it’s a cause that we could actually do something about… No?... Yes, I know people care more about diamonds than the atrocities that allow them to wear the stupid rocks, but… Okay, fine. Maybe another time.

Anyway, join me on April 20, and together, let’s do the bare minimum so that we can sleep better at night, pretending that we actually did some good. It’s what all those dead people in Africa with breast cancer would have wanted.