So I’ve been hanging out at a lot of airports recently, you know, spreading the Hare Krishna philosophy* and keeping an eye out for people on airline jihads, and I’ve noticed something: people are inconsiderate jerks.
It was while I was walking, (with a sense of purpose and speed, I might add) that I realized that people get away with all types of stuff that if they tried to do while driving, they’d cause horrendous multi-car pile ups.
For example, in a car people are supposed to keep their eyes on the road in front of them. I say “supposed to” because, as we all know, people love to not pay attention to what’s going on in front of them, which results in bodies being launched through windshields and being decapitated by steering wheels. Terrible to experience, fun to watch, (at least I can only assume its fun to watch, the way cars always slow down to ghoulishly study the scene of car accidents, no matter how gruesome.)
But when walking, people seem to take a perverted pride in purposely not looking in front of them as they amble about. They’ll go so far as to turn their heads 230 degrees to study some random ass thing while walking straight into a wall, column or other jerkhole who isn’t paying attention to where he’s walking. Honestly, I’m always surprised at how often I see people bumping into stationary objects or other brain-dead people simply because they couldn’t be bothered to stop walking (and move to the side) while checking out something that caught their interest.
And the thing that always leaves me flabbergasted in these situations is that when somebody who isn’t paying attention while walking bumps into me, they then have the gall to give me a look like I’m the tard! Their eyes narrow and focus on my face, like they’re saying: “I’m just a random American dumbass not watching where I’m watching. You were paying attention, so what’s your excuse for letting me bump into you, jerk?!” I can only shake my head, walk away and make plans to give their names to Jigsaw so he can teach them some manners.
Another thing that people do while walking that they wouldn’t dream of doing while driving, is wandering around. In a car people have to stay inside the lines of their lane. It helps the flow of traffic and makes everything nice and organized. When people walk they mosey and weave around like they’re stinking drunk and one of their legs is shorter than the other and they can’t help but cut you off while not even acknowledging your existence. Then I end up stepping on my own feet trying to avoid these dick weeds.
It gets even worse when you factor in the fact that there’s no speed limits on sidewalks and in airports. I’m not talking about limiting how fast people walk, I’m talking about limits on how ssssllllooowwwwlllyyy they walk. It seems like the slowest people always love to walk in the middle of everything. They saunter down hallways and corridors without a care in the world, taking time to stop and smell the nonexistent flowers and annoy the living shit out of me!
Then, (and this is the best part) the ultimate is people who literally just stop walking. Could you imagine driving on a major highway when all of a sudden the car in front of you hits the breaks for no good reason? It’d be mayhem! And yet, people have no trouble with walking somewhere, then instantly stopping the minute they get a phone call or want to readjust their scarves in the 100-degree heat. I wouldn’t mind it if they moved out of the way and let people carry on about their business, but they don’t! They stay rooted to the spot as if they just stepped on a landmine. Meanwhile everybody else with the temerity to be in the same vicinity trying to get from point A to point B has to navigate around these living statues.
In this country we’re so used to people being inconsiderate bastards that people rarely even notice this kind of stuff anymore. Which is kind of a shame. We’re a land full of inconsiderate people who have nary a thought in their fad-obsessed minds for their fellow human beings.
Maybe people are nicer at train stations…
*Are those wack-a-doos still around anymore or is that joke really dated?