Saturday, November 04, 2006

She blinded me with Science (then severely beat me into a coma with Science)

So I was watching this show last night on Discovery Science Nature National Geographic Lifetime Learning Channel, or one of those 8 million types of channels, about Giant Squids, (you might have seen it too, and if you did then may god have mercy on your eternal soul!)

Anyway, the show was about these two scientists in different parts of the world, (Japan and New Zealand) who have dedicated their lives to finding and documenting the famous and incredibly elusive giant squid, (hence the subject of the show.) These two guys were really intent on finding out everything about the giant squid and they figured that once they were able to put all the pieces to that long-existing puzzle together, the world would be a much easier place to understand and it would all make sense.

That’s when it hit me. Here are two guys, they’re probably professors or something along those lines, I’m sure they’re smart, I mean, they know more about giant squids than I do, but they don’t seem to realize that NOBODY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT GIANT SQUIDS!!!!

And I started to wonder, how many other scientists and smart guys are out there trying to figure out things that nobody cares about and will have no impact on our lives one way or the other? Oodles, I bet. Oodles and oodles. Oh and before you start trying to rationalize the search for the giant squid, they don’t have some kind of gland that will cure anything we have or give us superpowers, (I checked) so it truly is pointless.

Think about it, honestly. We’ve got brilliant people dedicating their lives and who knows how many untold millions of dollars on things that will never affect us (people) at all. Do we really need a drug injection that can make mice stronger? Has there been a demand for that? Historically recreating, in excruciating detail, exactly what a Maculinea alcon arenaria looked like, is that vital in any way? (It’s a subspecies of Alcon Blue Butterfly, whatever that means, that was native to New Zealand and went extinct in the 1970s in case you were wondering. Hooray for Wikipedia!)

What happened to the scientific promises of our past? Where are the jetpacks? The hovercars? Robotic girlfriends with realistic warm flesh that won’t say no and will love you no matter how fat or ugly you are or how long you go without bathing? (a personal dream of mine) What about movies being directly beamed into my head, or virtual reality? Weren’t we doing something with VR back in the 90s?

I was always hoping we’d be going somewhere with cloning. I personally have no morals or ethics of any sort, so I don’t mind the idea of cloning. In fact, I was depending on it. I dreamed that by the time I was an adult, cloning would be perfected to the point where we could create and mature a clone in less time (with a few modifications a la genetic tinkering, if you know what I mean, wink wink!) and we’d be able to transfer memories and brainwaves and other scientific stuff of that nature into the new clone. Because I don’t know about the rest of you, but I personally don’t plan on dying. Ever. There’s way too much for me to accomplish and I need at least a few centuries to get it all done.

So, what’s the deal? Are there congressmen we can write to, to tell them about this waste of money and intelligence? Perhaps some colleges we can go to and tell them to knock that shit off? I dunno. But something needs to be done, because I need my own Vicki (the robot chick from Small Wonder, remember that shit?) to live with for the next 200 years or so. And at this rate none of that’s gonna happen.


Anonymous said...

I understand that you may not feel strongly about the giant squids. But did you know that if the world continues to eat seafood as much as it is currently, then there will be no more fish in the year 2046? I mean, that's not too far away. You'll only be 66 years old. That's not a whole lot; and I like fish. So maybe you can turn around your thinking and use this time you have to find a solution to the devastation of the fish world!

Joshua said...

I'm allergic to fish. Besides, once the fish go all those fake vegetarians who cheat by eating fish will have to finally make up their mends.

callistre said...

Dude- I saw that! But the best one to watch if you can ever catch it, is the one entitled "Noodling"...some way or form shall I say of catching these ginormous catfish in the muddy waters with your hands!