I’ve been doing a little looking around on myspace (motto: a place to waste large tracts of time for little to no gain) and I realized something.
People are idiots.
No, that’s not true, well yes it is, but that’s not the point. The point is thus: During my staggeringly large swaths of wasted time I read several blogs and a pattern emerged, (actually several patterns emerged, but I’m not going to mention them here because this isn’t the right forum and I’m trying not to alienate people.)
This pattern was very simple. People were using their blogs to complain more than anything else. Everybody on myspace seems to be pissed off about everything, (I don’t blame them.) From imagined “haters” who are trying to steal the writer’s man or woman, to an intense dislike for our fellow myspacians, everybody has something bad to say about other people.
I found this to be shocking. After all, everybody I ever run into (or over) is always trying to be nice and do the nice thing and think nice thoughts etcetera, etcetera until I want to stab them in their ocular cavities with blunt objects. Yet it seems to be a mask. When given the opportunity, people will write such angry and mean things. To get their feelings of their chest? Possibly. To be funny and get away with saying shit you wouldn’t if people knew you weren’t kidding? That’s why I do it. The motives are varied and monotonous.
But the point is that people spend most of their time being pissed off and telling other people what to do, (see “This title couldn’t have anything less to do with the subject of this entry” Friday, July 28th) and not enough time proclaiming the good things going on. So here goes:
1. Thankfully, because of surfing on myspace I now know which songs are loved to an insane degree by random teens and 20 somethings (i.e. Sexyback, that one Evanessance song, and that Gnarles Barkley song that came out about seven months ago but people still aren’t tired of for some reason.)
2. Without Myspace I wouldn’t know that Tila Tequila is an extremely famous and popular musician, despite never actually having heard any song she’s performed!
3. Myspace allows me to check up on those crazy exes at various times so I can predict if they’re ever going to suddenly develop a need to get back in touch with me.
4. There are quite a lot of good looking women on myspace. And trolling around that site allows me to see the millions of gorgeous women I’ll never have a chance with!
5. Ummm, damn, this is getting hard. Okay, I got one. All the time I spend on myspace keeps me from going out and committing heinous and perverted acts against society, (my army of Werejoshuas is coming along nicely!)
See? It’s totally possible for somebody to write a blog entry without saying anything bad, (mostly.)
Now it’s your turn faithful readers. I want everybody to say one nice thing about myspace. You’re allowed to repeat what somebody else said, (I know there isn’t that much good shit to say about myspace.) Now go forth and say great things!
(And everybody don’t forget my banner contest. Remember, a kick ass banner linking to my blog, will win that creator a very special and super-duper prize, that isn’t at all a cheap t-shirt made by some two-year-old in a Chinese sweatshop located in the bowels of some tenement in the Bronx! God Bless American Capitalism. Anyway, the contest ends November 15th, at which point I will declare the winner and put his or her name out in the public for praise or ridicule, depending on what you think of this blog in the first place. Thanks for your participation and thanks for reading my blog. I write to be funny and I’m glad that you all seem to appreciate it and get the joke.)